I’m Not That Guy

I’m not that guy, I tell myself
I’m not meant to do great things, I reason
I’m not the leader I think I am
I’m not as gifted as I perceive

I’m not the ladies’ man, I argue
I’m not that responsible either
I can’t be a husband or father
I can’t earn the money I’d like

I know I can’t handle the mantle
Of running my own company
All the ideas I have inside
Were not meant to be shared at all

People aren’t meant to hear my truth
No one’s supposed to hear my speeches
Readers should never see my book
No one should know my true talents

I know I’m not supposed to be accepted
I’m supposed to remain unseen
Nobody can know what I really feel
That I am more than what I tell myself

Why do I fight what I know deep within?
Why do I beat myself up so much?
Why do I argue with what I know about me?
Why don’t I let my real self shine forth?

All this time I sense who I am
I sense I have greatness within
And I’m supposed to share with the whole world
All the unique talents and gifts I’ve withheld

Yet, I fight against it with all my power
It’s so hard for me to accept the truth
I keep resisting what I know about me
The very pearls I hide from others

I resist my candle burning brightly
I prefer it under a bushel
But the struggle requires so much effort
To keep that candle hidden from view

All these years I’ve fought so valiantly
But I can’t hold it very much longer
If I do, I might just go insane
Why won’t the candle just go away?

The more I resist the brighter it burns
I’d like to believe I’m not that guy
I have to shout it over and over
To drown out my truth, deep and steady

I finally give up and break down in tears
I can’t resist it any more
The pent up dam bursts and floods my heart
The candle sheds light to those near and far

Only after years have I been able to let go
And now must begrudgingly accept
Who I told myself for years I was not
That I might possibly be that guy

Jason Westlake
Thurs, July 26, 2007

Path to My Dreams

I’d sure like to make a difference some day
I’d love to be a millionaire too
I have dreams of starting a business
And I want the courage to follow my passions

I dream of what my legacy will be
I want to marry the woman of my dreams
I’d love to be the model husband and father
And enjoy and cherish every moment of life

I’d love to be a solid anchor for others
A beacon and guiding light to those around me
I’d like to stand up and speak my truth loudly
And write a book that many will treasure

But every time I ponder on these things
A sense of uneasiness rises up from within
As I take steps closer towards my dreams
I feel dark creatures obstructing my path

I soon notice other obstacles too
Including an impassable chasm
Soon I am enveloped in darkness
I can’t even see the next step in front

Then I turn around and decide to retreat
Running back to where I had been
I look around and find I’m more comfortable
While all those obstacles in the distance remain

I look off into other directions
There are many available paths for me
Many are easy, but some more difficult
But only one path leads to my dreams

Only one path leads to fulfillment
It just happens to be the most treacherous route
The only one filled with troubling demons
I sure wish there was a way around them

On any other path they would not be there
Just on the path that means the most to me
Because that which I desire most in life
Lies just beyond the darkest parts of my soul

Why does it have to be this way?
What’s worth the most seems to cost the most too
All the fulfillment and happiness I see
Costs a journey into my pain most deep

They also demand I relinquish my weaknesses
Along with my insecurities, worry, and fear
I must delve into those places I avoid
And let go of my addictive places of comfort

I sure wish dreams only cost time and money
If that were the case, I’d have done it already
I’ve found it’s the most difficult path to trod
But the one that’s the most rewarding in the end

Jason Westlake
Wed, July 25, 2007

Wonderful Chance to Die

I have left my past in the dust
Its iron grip has been released
Its influence so powerful
Has been lost, floating out to sea

Inhaling and gasping my lungs
Breathe deep fresh air for the first time
First on my knees, then on my feet
With new strength, I stand on my own

Shed and discarded my old skin
Lies on the trail behind me
The pictures I see from my past
Don’t seem to be me at all

Those thoughts in my journal written
Seem to have come from someone else
Why could I never before see
Waiting in a womb, my new soul?

The mistakes and bridges I’ve burned
What I can correct, I repair
The rest the Lord will make whole
Doing what I can’t do myself

Most of us don’t escape our past
Repeating the same old story
We created as a small child
Proving it every day of our lives

These painful stories we see not
As reality accepting
What could so easily be changed
Rejecting happiness for pain

To us, unchangeable it seems
Unable to escape we feel
Powerless and left with no choice
But to continue on the same

Thank God for birth and renewal
For the wonderful chance to die
For death is simply discarding
Our imperfect selves and our past

Death can’t occur without rebirth
Joined at the hip these two are
Mirror images of each other
As something better comes along

We’re not left with nothing in death
We only leave what we don’t want
And receive something more perfect
In place of what was tossed aside

Each day our old self dies again
Paving the way for our new soul
Thus is the act of creation
The process of growth and progress

–Jason Westlake
Tues., January 2, 2007

What Makes a Hero?

What makes a hero? How can we spot one?
What are the qualifications for entry?
How do we unanimously decide?
Because there’s something we intuitively know

Who would you choose—Abe Lincoln or Bill Clinton?
Perhaps Lance Armstrong or Mike Tyson?
Mother Theresa or Martha Stewart?
What about Pat Tillman or Terrell Owens?

Maybe Tiger Woods or Tonya Harding?
George Washington or Richard Nixon?
Teddy Roosevelt or Hugh Hefner?
Jackie Robinson or Barry Bonds?

Martin Luther King or O. J. Simpson?
Albert Einstein or the Enron execs?
Why do we choose one and not the other?
What are the defining characteristics?

Tyson, Owens, Bonds, and Simpson were the best
No one in the world had more talent than them
Many on that list worked hard at what they did
Some even led the most powerful nation

Many had millions of dollars at hand
Some were the smartest, all have been famous
Some have even broken world records
But a hero, we know many are not

Apart from icons, there are countless others
Who pass the test for being a hero
A mother, a father, a friend, a teacher
Or the firefighters from 9/11

Perhaps the best example that exists
Is the unknown soldier lying in the tomb
Whose identity remains a mystery
But his actions are plain for all to see

In short, talents, fame, money, or possessions
Achievements, intelligence, rewards, or hard work
Power, status, not even position
Do not necessarily a hero make

Instead, heroes are people like you and me
Who when faced with a choice between right and wrong
Between what they know they should or should not do
Choose the former repeatedly through time

No matter the consequences that may come
Judgement, criticism, and scorn from others
Persecution, opposition, or hate
Threats of torture, imprisonment, or death

Promises of extra fame, money, or wealth
Beyond wildest imagination
Or the threat of taking it all away
More possessions or anything material

More praise and rewards, power and glory
Pleasure, sex, drugs, or addictions
Fear, failure, doubt, pain, or hardship
None of these can deter or entice the hero

Whether no one sees or the whole world is watching
The only issue given center stage
Weighing upon the mind of the hero
Is that one choice, no matter the outcome it brings

All other issues presented to the hero
Are tossed aside with no attention heeded
And no thought given, faster than the eye can blink
Only contemplating the right and the wrong

Funny how most of us are often deceived
Easily distracted and tempted are we
By the unimportant matters heroes discard
Placing these above the right and the wrong

Mocking and rejecting the hero’s life
Believing more fulfillment will be found
Succumbing to these unfruitful enticements
Now sitting on a ship with O.J. and Nixon

Yet, we despise the others and love the heroes
Their character and integrity we applaud
They win our hearts, gaining our trust and respect
Many love the heroes, but live like the cowards

–Jason Westlake
Tues., November 21, 2006

Waking Up

I remember when I dreaded waking up
When I dulled my senses and distracted my mind
With TV, work, and business of sorts
All just to take my mind off of life

I sensed there was more I didn’t know
But I didn’t care, I didn’t want to learn
My distractions kept my attention just fine
Even though I was missing an integral part

It was only in between distractions
When my mind was left to itself
That the empty feeling would bubble up
When I wondered what my life was about

Only when the pain became unbearable
Did I have the strength to make the decision
To leave my distractions, my places of comfort
And find my purpose, in spite of myself

The layers were thick, stacked alarmingly high
My purpose lay buried underneath my past
Beneath my weakness and insecurity
Under my fears, where I’d like to avoid

No wonder I tended to my distractions
Until the pain became much more
Than my darkest memories of the past
And I was forced to move to purpose’s corner

Now I wake up with focused intent
With a reason much greater than me to live
I’m one of the few who live their dreams
Wondering why my life is so great

I feel now what I had missed before
I didn’t know the power was in me
I walk through life in a state of bliss
Grateful for every moment I breathe

–Jason Westlake
Fri, Mar 9, 2007

Unknown Certainty

Certainty is found in the unknown
Doubt is found in the familiar
Danger lies in what we already know
Happiness lies in the unseen

The world is changing every minute
And may seem quite scary to the unlearned
But of only one thing we can be sure
If we stay the same, we’re certain to die

While we can’t know the path lying ahead
Or see way out to the horizon
We only need to see one step in front
To arrive safely where we are going

While we can’t know future creations
We can be sure we will create them
The key lies in trusting our instincts
In embracing the expanse of the unknown

Fear and doubt dwell closely around us
Insecurity lies only inside us
Holding onto our past, to what we know
Will only certainly destroy us

Faith lies in things hoped for and not seen
Certainty lies with what we don’t know
A surety of our happiness
Lies in living in the unknown

–Jason Westlake
Sun February 4, 2007

Understanding

I used to know everything
About life, love, and relationships
My theories made perfect sense
I knew every minute detail

I freely shared my ideas
I could not understand why
No one lived what I was preaching
Until it was my turn to live

Then I had my first broken heart
Followed by the sting of betrayal
I felt the helpless worry
At the time I had no money

I took a risk when I was afraid
And fell down hard many times
I found more strength to persevere
Months after I had run out

I was hit from the blind side
While throwing down the field
Detours and failures I’ve had
While traveling down the path of life

I knew everything when I was young
Until I met reality
And decided to take action
Learning by experience

I felt the fear and anxiety
I couldn’t learn in a classroom
Step by step, moment by moment
I’m beginning to understand

Learning on the sideline of life
Is no true learning at all
Knowing repels understanding
Like pesticide repels insects

When we already know everything
Pride won’t let us know any more
Pride can’t fail or show weakness
Pride can’t not know or it dies

Pride won’t let new action be taken
Pride can’t have new understanding
Because it would reveal our weakness
And kill the knowing we once had

But when new action is taken
An unknown world sheds its veil
Idleness had kept it at bay
But action wielded its power

Providence governs this new world
Action is the key to entry
Further light and understanding
Cannot be withheld in this place

Blessings of money, health, and love
And all of our needs and wants
Lie on the shelves dormant for us
Free to take upon admission

–Jason Westlake
Fri., December 15, 2006

‘Twas the Night Before Beginning

‘Twas the night before beginning
And all through my mind
All kinds of thoughts were stirring
Even the fearful kind

My ideas were hung out to dry without care
Afraid that failure soon would be there
The critics ere nestled, waiting in ambush
While visions of shame and scorn danced in my head

And my will gone away, and I in my fear
Had just given up for a long winter’s nap
When there arose outside such a great clatter
I arose from my bed to see what was the matter

I raced to the windows to shut the curtains
More danger and peril, of this I was certain
When to my surprise arose a bright light
Illuminating the sky, a beautiful sight

I saw an angel above, all dressed in white
Coming to reassure on this dark cold night
“There’s really nothing to be afraid of”
He calms me down, “I know you can do it”

Those few words from a knowing source above
Was all I needed to fill my heart with love
I slept soundly that dark winter night
Prepared for the morrow when I would take flight

–Jason Westlake
Sat., December 23, 2006

Snow Tubing

My friends and I are snow tubing one day
Carving trails down hills in between trees
One friend and I a new trail we attempt
He goes down first as I watch from the side

One curve he can’t maneuver because of his speed
His momentum carries him straight off the trail
And into a jump unplanned, launched in the air
Scraping a big tree just barely to the side

“Idiot,” I say, “I can do much better”
I take the same tube, launching from the same place
Pointing in the same general direction
Thinking my results would be quite different

As I’m carried straight towards the jump
I wonder why I didn’t listen the first time
I’m thrown from the tube and launched in the air
Standing straight up, flying with the birds

But I am able to change my path a bit
Just enough to be aligned with the tree
With plenty of time to ponder my mistake
I work out Newton’s Laws in my own head

It seems I have time to grow a beard
Before I will ever hit that tree
I learn my lesson many times over
In anticipation of the great crash

With all of my friends watching on with popcorn
I hit that tree like a bug on a windshield
Lying in the snow, looking up at the tree
I now choose to learn from others’ mistakes

–Jason Westlake
Fri., December 8, 2006

Show Me, Don’t Tell Me

He told me grandiose tales
Of how he’d conquer the world
About all the money he’d earn
And the huge legacy he’d leave

I saw him twenty years later
His words hadn’t quite come true
He had once talked of a dream
But a reality it never became

She imagined her handsome knight
Coming to her rescue one day
Whisking her off to his castle
To live happily ever after

A few years later I met her again
After a terrible divorce
She found a husband who beat her
And left her down in the gutter

I see a great many people
Who can paint a vivid picture
And tell a wonderful story
Of all that they’re going to do

Yet, their current actions I notice
And I see where those actions will take them
A great discrepancy I observe
Between their dreams and their course

Their words carry them off in the sunset
Their actions carry them straight in the ditch
Their future will never come true
Because their present can’t take them there

If only words counted more than action
Then many more dreams would come true
If only words measured accomplishment
Then heroes and millionaires we’d all be

What an inconvenience action can be
Who wants to live up to their words?
Hence, many choose their fantasy world
Of words and unfulfilled dreams

While action, results, and reality
Remain off their radar for good
Registering not on their screen
While fantasy takes center stage

That’s why so popular movies can be
So people can forget their lives
And swallow their focus in fairy tales
While reality retreats to the hills

For talk is easy, but action is hard
The fantasy world is pleasant
But it’s too bad in reality we live
And a shame the two worlds are different

Detaching from dream world has been hard
Entering real life has awoken me
Now there’s only one measurement I make
From the results of my actions today

Jason Westlake
Sun, July 15, 2007