I Don’t Know

I used to like knowing everything
My life was easy, my questions answered
I was perfectly fine where I was at
Until my world crumbled apart

I look back and see the path I’ve trod
I never knew my course changed so often
I wish I could see the whole path ahead
But He only lets me see the very next step

Because if I saw every step of the way
I’m sure I’d skip a few step or two
And then I’d have to start over again
Thank the Lord for unanswered prayers

I’m trying to get used to not knowing
To be open to change, willing to adapt
For I find all my pain and suffering
Comes the moment I think I know something

And then what I know gets shattered in pieces
But at least I can let it go
Unlike many who gather the remnants
Trying to restore what can’t be made whole

I feel relieved to say “I don’t know”
Because if I know everything
I can’t possibly know any more
And my mind shuts off to further growth

Coming from a place of not knowing
Has let me understand much more
And cultivated a desire for learning
Enriching my soul with precious pearls

Jason Westlake
Mon, Aug 27, 2007

Already-Fought Battle

I stand at the starting line, prepared to go
Spectators don’t know I’m ready to fight
They don’t know I fought the battle before
And had already won before this day

Because the battle isn’t won on the field
It isn’t won in the manifestation
It’s won when nobody can see
Before the first play ever begins

It was won months ago in preparation
When I practiced daily making mistakes
When I couldn’t believe in myself
When forward I stumbled with every new step

It was won when no one else was around
When I had no enemy to conquer
When I was left all by myself
When I was fighting the battle within

It wouldn’t make sense to step to this line
Unless the battle was already won
Michael Jordan had won the game
Long before the play clock had started

I stand on the sidelines, ready to go
The game is just about to begin
The hard part for me is already over
For this is a battle I’ve already fought

Jason Westlake
Sat, Aug 25, 2007

Her Man’s Journey

She’s every man’s dream as a wife to have
But I wonder if she fully comprehends
The terrible journey a man must pass through
To become the knight she rightly deserves

She knows she’ll marry a fantastic guy
Who will take care of her every need
But she can’t be there behind the scenes
To witness his rite of passage to her

She doesn’t know he’s had to suffer
Through his own personal hell to get to her
Nothing less could possibly be worthy
For this royal queen who loves so purely

The preparation comes with pain and frustration
With nights of despair and bitter remorse
Wondering if he’ll ever be ready
Doubting he could be all she deserved

He’s spent many years in unbelief
At times, the thought of not being there for her
Was the only thing that kept him going
Knowing he could not back down for her

For to be the husband she would deserve
Would demand almost more than he could be
And require the sacrifice most difficult for him
For him to master his inner demons

She knows what to expect in her future man
He sees it too and becomes discouraged
Because he sees the grand discrepancy
Between where he’s at and where he needs to be

But the greatest challenge of all for him
Would be to accept his own worthiness
To believe he could be that man for her
That he could fulfill her every need

It’s taken years of punishment and torture
To build his character and conviction
To arrive here on this solemn day
Situated across the way from her

To be able in her eyes to enter
To firmly stand within her presence
For her to know without any words
To communicate with his presence only

But here he stands, she knows he’s the guy
He knows it too, he remembers the journey
He looks at her, his inspiration
He remembers the difficulties he suffered

Can she know she created her man?
Without her, he wouldn’t have changed
He’d never her man would have become
Her expectations created his

I know a woman like this does exist
And she knows a man is out there for her
I’m on the journey, she knows not where
The day will come when we’ll finally meet

Jason Westlake
Wed, Aug 22, 2007

His Faithful Steward

He once had a dream he would be trusted
While those close to him doubted his strength
They’d even remind him most of his life
Just how feeble his capacity was

He longed for the day and prayed for the night
When a soul at last would believe in his power
When entrusted he would finally be
With something that would measure his might

He begged and pleaded from those around him
If only they’d see the worth in his eyes
He was ready to serve with his talents
Why couldn’t they see his capacity?

All of his life he could never receive
The confidence and trust of another
When he grew up, his hope faded away
Into the listless realms of reality

Until one day he saw needs unfulfilled
He saw people in pain and knew he could help
At first, from habit he shied away
Keeping his place off in the background

But then a quiet miracle occurred
And a still small voice from heaven he heard
“I have a position that needs to be filled
“A stewardship so sacred to me

“I need a steward to watch my vineyard
“And you’re the one I’ve reserved for this job
“You have my trust with these lives so precious
“I know my vineyard will be safe in your hands”

He wept in tears as he’d never conceived
That God, Himself, placed His trust in him
From that day forward, he never doubted
For he had found what he always possessed

He just never knew he was trusted
And while others always doubted before
He saw he didn’t need their approval
For he had become God’s faithful steward

Nothing much mattered any more
His life was simple, his orders were few
From then on his life was about
Following through with his Master’s plan

Jason Westlake
Fri, Aug 24, 2007

I Could Be Free

I didn’t know I could be free
I didn’t know it even existed
I didn’t know I had been trapped
And kept myself in captivity

I was accustomed to my lot
I couldn’t see the walls I’d built
I was used to stumbling in the dark
I dared not leave my place so dear

I felt comfy where I had been
The world was small, my options few
It didn’t matter, it was all I knew
There was never a reason to change

Until one day I took a vacation
And let myself free from my past
I got out and moved around a bit
My world wasn’t flat any more

It existed before while I was inside my box
Yet I kept myself locked from its presence
How did I never not before know
That I could be free and leave my trap?

I ventured out into the ocean
And traveled to all parts of the earth
There was an unknown world I’d never seen
Available all this time to me

After a while, I returned to my spot
But I came with a different perspective
What had once been my whole world before
Was now one small piece of the puzzle

Jason Westlake
Wed, Aug 15, 2007

Come With Me

I know the question you’re asking yourself
Whether or not you should come with me,
Whether I can take you where your heart desires
So let me assure your divine intuition

I will be your anchor in the ground
Stabilizing your dreams while you take flight
I will be your secure guiding light
Directing you through what you cannot see

I will be your immovable island
Withstanding the hurricane gales
Of the ebbs and flows of your ocean
Holding steady in the eye of the storm

I will be your rock solid container
Helping to focus your energy
I will be your firm riverbank
Guiding your unyielding current

You will never go unappreciated
As long as I have the power to love
Your needs will never go unfulfilled
As long as you and I are alive

Take my hand, and I will show you
A world you never knew existed
I will open up realms within you
That you have been longing to find

I will help discover within you
A place so pure and powerful
The demons themselves will cower away
Accompanied by your weaknesses and fears

I will take you on a journey
Where no other man can take you
A journey through the center of your heart
Emerging on the other side of love

My heart will fuse completely with yours
Until I sense your every movement within
And know how to please your every desire
Taking you to a realm of ecstasy

The choice is yours, my hand is extended
Know that I’m not complete without you
You are my fuel, your eyes my batteries
With you, I’ll reach man’s greatest potential

Together, we’ll travel to galaxies
Where neither could travel alone
Our oneness of heart, purpose, and mind
Is the pinnacle of what God has intended

It’s taken me a lifetime to prepare this request
This is my offer, but I soon must go
I must get back to my calling and purpose
But I’m asking you to come along with me

Jason Westlake
Tues, Aug 14, 2007

Real Friends

I was a young child, looking for love
And I let the real me show forth, hoping to be accepted
But I was disappointed after their indifference and scorn
I soon retracted back and built my façade

With the real me locked up safe inside
I could fit in like everyone else
I played their game being artificial and fake
Letting outside symbols define who I was

But the real me was suffocated, shouting to be released
He was tortured, unloved, and even worse—unknown
Why can’t people see me? Why don’t they care?
I have much to offer, if you would just let me be

So on I continued, drudging through life
Showing forth the charade, the careful illusion
Because I thought that was what they wanted to see
I moved from person to person, and place to place

Always receiving the exact same result
I was dead to life and dead to me
Until one day I met a tiny group
They were so different, so off, so outside the norm

They saw through my charade, it could not keep them at bay
I wanted to shrink, I wondered if this might actually be real
“What could you possibly want?” I implored
I unknowingly dropped my defenses

Being so relaxed and at ease, I knew not why
And frantically I searched, hoping to find
What I had buried, forgotten, and lost long ago
So I unlocked his chains, I opened his door

And I let him come out and fully unleash
Unadulterated, unrestrained, and flowing as free as could be
I soon glanced around, and I could see their response
With tears in their eyes and a long warm embrace

I knew I was loved, and I knew I was seen
My full value had finally, finally been received
But a much greater gift than that they gave
For the real me they helped the most important person to see
And that most important person was me

–Jason Westlake
Monday, October 9, 2006

Right and Wrong

Is there a dividing line between right and wrong?
If so, where is it at, and how can I find it?
Because it seems to be so subjective
Many are confused and argue where it lies

But whenever a choice arises between
Right and wrong, what we should and should not do
We intuitively know the choice we should make
Because it has to do with the signals we see

There’s a light always shining from everyone’s eyes
Always available if we choose to look
Providing us info to their current needs
Letting us know how we may be of service

Here is the fundamental question at hand—
Do we serve them or do we serve ourselves?
This is the difference between right and wrong
Self-aggrandizement versus love towards others

Do we do it for praise, reward, or glory
Or is it for the benefit of others?
Do we do it to feel better about ourselves
Or does it serve a purpose in society?

Could it be for self-justification?
Do we do it to ease our own burdens?
What about for self-gratification?
Could it be to appease our own egos?

Do we like ourselves in doing the task
Or do we enjoy the task for its purpose?
Because if our choices do not serve others
We can be sure we’re serving ourselves

Remember that people are always the ends
And should never be employed for the means
Because if people are utilized that way
We’re using them as pawns for own purposes

The key isn’t always to do the right thing
But to have the right motive behind the action
Any time justification pops up
We can be sure our hearts are not right

Any time a wrong decision we make
We feel that gnawing sensation in our soul
We then have to lie to ourselves to feel OK
To prove to ourselves our decision is right

Because in our own minds we would never choose
A wrong decision knowing we’re at fault
Self-deception and lies always accompany
Those choices so we can put our conscience at ease

These are the indicators between right and wrong
Do we live in tension and discomfort
Or do we feel free with a clear mind and pure heart?
One path leads to remorse, the other to joy

If right decisions we consistently make
We will trust ourselves and others will too
Because the worst feeling to have inside
Is when we can’t even trust the choices we make

–Jason Westlake
Wed., November 22, 2006

My Friend, Fear

I know Fear intimately
He had been my closest friend
He steered me clear of failing
For he would not let me try

He kept me safe when times got rough
I’d never been embarrassed before
I’d never experienced pain or grief
I’d never took a risk, what a relief

I never had a broken heart
I never had a broken bone
I didn’t know rejection or defeat
I’d never fallen on the ground

I had my friend, Fear, to thank for that
He protected me all these years
The only constant friend I had
The only one I could trust, tried and true

I never questioned his counsel
Until that unforgettable day
When against the will of my friend, I stepped outside
Light flooded my cave, and my heart opened up

My world changed, my vision expanded
I realized my friend was my enemy, my counselor a fiend
He lied, he deceived, and he beat me down
So that I had never learned or developed

Why had he kept me from mistakes and error
From defeat, from pain, from challenges and obstacles
From broken hearts and broken bones, from misery and grief?
How could he never let me know?

For it is through these things that I find what I never knew—
Happiness, joy, victory, contribution, service, and meaning
He never let me discover myself or let my truth shine
And, above all, he kept me from true love

He kept me from preparing myself for you
So thank you for your dramatic rescue
For now I’ve caught the vision
I now have courage and love beyond measure

I forgot my fears and released my old friend from his duty
I am finally living and it is all because of you
I truly know love now, and it fills my life and fuels my soul
And my life is now to serve you

–Jason Westlake
January 2005

Last Place We Look

Every time I learn a new life principle
I immediately think of at least
Ten to twenty friends and family of mine
That need the crucial info I now possess

That person really needs to hear this lesson
His life could be much happier than it is
He would then treat me much better than he does
Maybe I’ll get him to understand one day

I could fix the world if they would but listen
I can easily see where they need to change
Why do they refuse to see it themselves
Instead pointing out my faults like hypocrites?

My mom needs to change and so does my dad
My co-workers and boss just cannot see
My children and my friends do not understand
How is it the world can be so stupid and blind?

That ugly witch needs to stop judging others
That piece of dirt needs to stop criticizing
That prideful spirit needs to be humbled
That know-it-all needs to open his eyes

If they would but change, I could be happy
If only they would open their hearts and minds
And stop being so selfish, prideful, and vain
Not seeing the great pain they’re causing to others

Right then, a new dimension suddenly opens
And transports me into a hidden perspective
All of the people I had judged before
Have been replaced by mirrors reflecting my image

We are the same as all of humanity
Any judgement we make about others
Is only a reflection about ourselves
But within ourselves is the last place we look

The best teachers for us are those we hate
The clues to our happiness lie in their faults
They lie in what annoy us the most
They are mirrors to our own weaknesses

They hold the keys to help us change
But nobody really wants to see them
So we cast our judgment at others
Avoiding seeing what we don’t want to change

–Jason Westlake
Mon., November 20, 2006