I’m not that guy, I tell myself
I’m not meant to do great things, I reason
I’m not the leader I think I am
I’m not as gifted as I perceive
I’m not the ladies’ man, I argue
I’m not that responsible either
I can’t be a husband or father
I can’t earn the money I’d like
I know I can’t handle the mantle
Of running my own company
All the ideas I have inside
Were not meant to be shared at all
People aren’t meant to hear my truth
No one’s supposed to hear my speeches
Readers should never see my book
No one should know my true talents
I know I’m not supposed to be accepted
I’m supposed to remain unseen
Nobody can know what I really feel
That I am more than what I tell myself
Why do I fight what I know deep within?
Why do I beat myself up so much?
Why do I argue with what I know about me?
Why don’t I let my real self shine forth?
All this time I sense who I am
I sense I have greatness within
And I’m supposed to share with the whole world
All the unique talents and gifts I’ve withheld
Yet, I fight against it with all my power
It’s so hard for me to accept the truth
I keep resisting what I know about me
The very pearls I hide from others
I resist my candle burning brightly
I prefer it under a bushel
But the struggle requires so much effort
To keep that candle hidden from view
All these years I’ve fought so valiantly
But I can’t hold it very much longer
If I do, I might just go insane
Why won’t the candle just go away?
The more I resist the brighter it burns
I’d like to believe I’m not that guy
I have to shout it over and over
To drown out my truth, deep and steady
I finally give up and break down in tears
I can’t resist it any more
The pent up dam bursts and floods my heart
The candle sheds light to those near and far
Only after years have I been able to let go
And now must begrudgingly accept
Who I told myself for years I was not
That I might possibly be that guy
Jason Westlake
Thurs, July 26, 2007
